Je me souviens
by obvious things are obvious
Summary: As Matthew found himself pulled flushed against Alfred's chest, he couldn't help but feel that deep, nagging sense in him once more that it hadn't always been this way. But then again, he couldn't even remember anything from his past anymore. All he could remember was Alfred's warmth always being there for him and making him feel safe and loved and for now, that was already enough.
1. un à cinq

**A/N**:  
So hi there. This is my first Hetalia fic in a looong while (and first multichapter one in this fandom) and also my first official UsCan fic ever because I've finally grown the balls to affirm that there can never be enough UsCan in the world. HUZZAH. Updates will hopefully be twice a month at the least and once a week at the most as I am already anticipating my work to start making me its bitch again around this time of the year. Hopefully I shall prevail this time around though. *fingers crossed* Anyways, enjoy!

**Summary**:  
Matthew couldn't help but feel that deep, nagging sense in him once more that it hadn't always been this way. But then again, he couldn't even remember anything from his past anymore. All he could remember was Alfred's warmth always being there for him and making him feel safe and loved and for now, that was already enough.

**Disclaimer**: Hetalia is not mine. Nor any of its characters.

**Warnings**: Yaoi, twincest, drug-induced amnesia, (_other warnings to be added later on_)

* * *

_**Je me souviens**_

_i._

Matthew couldn't help but wonder what life was like outside. As he stared at the window, seeing the snow falling to the ground, he couldn't help but trace the snow with his fingers. He couldn't help but wonder if it really is as cold as it is said to be. He wanted to touch it so badly but he knew he couldn't do that. He wasn't allowed to and he knew he had to be contented with that.

Just then, Matthew felt arms wrap around his waist as a head snuggled itself to his shoulder. "Why are you up so early? I almost had a heart attack not seeing you in bed," he heard the other say as lips brushed on the junction between his neck and shoulder.

"It's snowing, Al," was all Matthew replied as his fingers traced the snow through the window once more. "It's really pretty," he continued on before contemplative silence filled them for minutes.

The hold on him loosened then before he was turned to face the other. He tried not to hope too much lest he ended up disappointed again. "Do you want to go outside, Mattie?" Alfred murmured as he looked past the window before looking back at Matthew, as he timidly nodded in assent.

The other had looked thoughtful for a minute before Matthew felt lips brushed his forehead. "Okay, let's go outside tomorrow," he said as he placed his forehead against Matthew's. "Would that make you happy?" he continued on.

Matthew's eyes widened in surprise at what the other said. "Yes, thank you, thank you," he couldn't help but say excitedly as he kissed Alfred in gratitude, arms wrapping tightly against the other's neck, their kiss passionate and needy. Soon enough though, they broke the kiss as the need for air became too much for them.

"Let's go back to sleep," Alfred said as he wrapped his arm around Matthew's shoulder and led him back to their room. "It's still too early to be awake," he said as he closed the door and pulled Matthew back to bed.

As Matthew found himself pulled flushed against Alfred's chest, arms wrapped tightly around him, he couldn't help but feel that deep, nagging sense in him once more that it hadn't always been this way. And he could barely remember the white and the snow outside and a little white polar bear and he couldn't tell if it was just a dream or if it was a reality taken away from him because as far as he knew, he had never gone outside before. But then again, he couldn't even remember anything from his past anymore. All he could remember was Alfred's warmth always being there for him and making him feel safe and loved and for now, that was already enough.

* * *

_ii._

"It's beautiful," Matthew breathed as he took a step forward, momentarily startled when he heard the crunch of the ground. All around them, all he could see was white. He stretched a palm upward to catch a snowflake. He then turned to Alfred who was staring ahead beside him.

"Do you like it?" Alfred asked, taking Matthew's hand and squeezing it tightly as he looked at Matthew.

"Definitely," Matthew said as he started to pull on Alfred, leading the other to the general direction of the lake that he could see outside the window all the time. "Can we please go to the lake, Al? I want to see if it's really frozen in," he said looking back to the other, eyes hopeful.

"Of course we could," Alfred said acquiescing as the other continued to lead him to the frozen lake.

Matthew stopped walking as soon as the lake was in his sights though, dropping Alfred's hand as he started to walk forward carefully before stopping once he was directly in front of the lake. He then crouched down as his gloved hand touched the ice that had frozen.

"I played in this before," he couldn't help saying as he remembered being in an arena, whizzing through the ice as people cheered around him, adrenaline rushing through him as he scored another goal. He remembered playing with Alfred in an area not unlike this and Alfred promptly losing, their goading then turning into an impromptu wrestling match. He remembered playing with other people he knew he had been familiar with for a long time in a slightly-closed off area with a handful of people watching, Alfred also cheering him on.

He remembered moving gracefully and fiercely across the ice and it was only when he felt himself scooped up that he realized that he had already been lying on the ground, clutching his head and the distant cries he could hear were his own and that there were tears running through his eyes already as his head continued to pound making him whimper as he hid his head even further into Alfred's neck.

"Shhh, it's okay, Mattie. I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Alfred cooed as he brought Matthew back to their house. Only setting the other down when he was already in front of their bed. He then carefully took off Matthew's outer clothing before he laid the thick blanket over him.

As the other made a move to go outside though, Matthew pleaded out, "Please stay," as he curled up even further into himself. A moment of silence passed as Alfred took off his outer clothing as well before Matthew felt the blanket pulled off of him as he was pulled flushed against Alfred. "I'm sorry," he couldn't help but say as he clutched the material of Alfred's shirt.

"It's okay, baby. This is my fault, I should've been prepared for this," Alfred said, his arm tightening around Matthew's waist as his other hand stroked the back of Matthew's head.

"It hurts, Al. My head hurts," Matthew said as he curled even further into the warmth of Alfred's body. He was confused at the memories he had just remembered but he couldn't focus past the pain right now and he could only cling onto Alfred and hope for the pain to go away.

"I know, Mattie, I'm sorry," was all that Alfred said as he let the other continue to cry and cling onto him before the latter finally fell asleep from exhaustion.

* * *

_iii._

Darkness. That was all that Matthew met as he realized that he was blindfolded. "Where am I? Who are you?" he screamed as he tried to free himself of the restraints chaining him to the bed to no avail.

He couldn't remember how he arrived in this place. He didn't know what he had done to warrant this. But he was terrified, truly scared that nobody would remember him enough to save him. A sob escaped him before he screamed once more, "Let me out! Somebody please help me!" he shouted before he heard the door open, making him perk his head before he whimpered as he heard multiple footsteps approaching.

"Who are you? Please let me go. We can negotiate about this," he pleaded out before he felt a sharp pain in his arm as he realized that it was a syringe injecting something into his bloodstream. He cried out as he tried to struggle only to find out he couldn't as he was completely restrained. "No, stop, please," he sobbed out as he was injected syringe after syringe after which his body grew lax, his thoughts foggy, reducing him to whimpering before the darkness consumed him once more.

...

Matthew grew terrified as he started to forget everything he had ever known. He forgot about what his childhood had been like and how he grew up to be the person that he was now. He forgot where he had lived and what job he had before he was taken to this place.

He grasped for memories of his family but all he could remember was a man he knew who looked almost exactly like himself except that the other's eyes were as blue as the sky and that he had that cowlick in his hair and then he could vaguely remember two other men present, always arguing, one having green eyes and the thickest eyebrows he could remember having seen and one having long wavy hair and a stubble. He tried hard not to forget those faces but found himself losing them as well.

He tried to ask the people detaining him why they were doing this to him, why they had taken him to this place to no avail. He tried to ask them if they knew anything about him because as each day passes by, his memories grew sparser until they weren't there anymore and all he could remember was his own name, not even his last name.

He tried to plead for them to stop as he found that he could barely remember the first letter of his name anymore and he had sobbed and screamed for hours then when he found it out. That was also the time he had almost been able to escape only to get caught.

He tried so hard not to let everything else that he knew slip out of his grasp but by then it was already too late and he was unable to stop it. And then when he woke up one morning to find out that he couldn't even remember his own name anymore, he stopped fighting. After all, if all you could remember was your existence in this hellhole, what was there to fight for?

...

Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months and months turned into years as he was given the same treatment daily. Not that he could tell the difference really. He grew unresponsive and found it difficult to think as he wondered who he was and why he was in this place in the first place. All he knew was that he didn't want to be in this place.

He just wanted to be free so badly but he knew better than to try. He once managed to almost get away only to find himself caught and without any food for a couple of days as punishment. He knew better than to do that now. Because he knew that the less he ate, the weaker he got, and the weaker he got, the more potent the treatment he received would become.

He didn't even know why he had to get out of this place. Was there anybody even waiting for him outside this hellhole? Or maybe they were the ones to send him here in the first place?

He knew he won't be finding out the answers anytime soon but that didn't mean that every fiber of his being was screaming for him to get out of this place.

* * *

_iv._

He was awoken by the commotion as people were shouting and general noise could be heard quite loudly outside. He then jumped as his door was opened loudly before his blindfold was ripped out and his mouth was covered by a hand to prevent him from making any noise in alarm. It took a while for his eyes to adjust to the sudden light as he saw a blond man in front of him with his eyes framed by glasses, eyes that he couldn't help but liken to the color of the sky, even though he wasn't even sure what the color of it was anymore, his own eyes widening as he tried to think of what was to happen to him, growing alarmed as he thought of what the other might do to him.

"Shhh, it's okay, I won't hurt you," the man whispered, noticing how scared he had looked right then. "I'm going to get you out of here, okay? But you have to trust me and you have to make no noise so that they won't catch us," the blond continued on, looking at him for affirmation.

He then nodded slightly as the man before him took the hand off his face and started to get him out of his restraints. Once finished, he was then scooped up by the man. He was startled by this as he found himself clutching weakly at the material of the blond's shirt weakly as the man started to jog as quietly as possible, hiding whenever there were personnel nearby, as they got nearer to the entrance.

The man then halted to a stop before they took a sharp turn as voices were heard from outside, taking him to what looks like the kitchen. The man then crouched down, placing Matthew on the ground as he opened an empty cupboard in the corner.

Just as he was about to ask what the man was doing however, he was scooped up once more before he was placed inside the cupboard. Panic and paranoia seized him then as he clutched to the man's shirt, words caught on his throat as he tried to tell the other not to leave him.

"Hey, hey, calm down, okay? I have to hide you here for a while because there are others outside. I have to make them go away first, okay?" the man cooed at him, stroking his hair to calm him down. "I won't leave without you, I promise," the other continued on seeing his disbelieving look.

"Please don't leave me here," were the first words he uttered to the other, his voice hoarse from not seeing any reason to use them anymore these days. "They-they'll make me not remember again," he said struggling with his words as his voice broke.

"I'd never let them touch you again, baby. I'll never forgive myself if I even do that ever again, I swear," the man said, his voice vindictive as the latter brushed the back of his head. The man then reached for something in his pocket before taking out a pair of eyeglasses and placing them carefully on his face, making his vision suddenly clearer as a noise akin to a dry sob escaped the latter. "You look like you again," the man said then, once his voice seemed stable enough, shaking the slightest bit, before the blond kissed his forehead saying, "Be quiet, okay? I'll be back as soon as I stop the bad guys," the man said before closing the cupboard leaving a little opening for him not to be in total darkness.

What he then heard were a series of gunshots that shook him to the core accentuated by shots and screams outside. It took a while before everything grew silent, leaving him to the sound of his own harsh breathing. He couldn't help but grow scared as he thought of the possibilities that the blond saving him would end up dead or worse, captured and drugged just like him, forever trapped in this place. And then when the cupboard door suddenly opened, he couldn't help the shriek that escaped him as he pushed his body flat as far as he could, the deepest recesses of his mind already readying itself for eventual capture.

"Hey, hey! It's me, shhh, it's okay," the man then said, leaning in and showing his face to him to placate him before taking him by the arms and pulling him out. "Everything's fine now, you're safe," the man said as he pulled his shaking body into an embrace that he couldn't help but melt on. "It's gonna be okay. I'm here. I got ya," the blond continued saying as he clung onto him, relief washing through him as he could feel freedom almost at his fingertips.

After a while, he was then scooped up once more before he heard the man say, "Close your eyes, baby," in a tender tone. "Why?" he couldn't help but ask although he complied otherwise, as he nuzzled his head to the man's neck and unconsciously clutched onto the man's shirt.

"Just sleep for now, Mattie, we're almost home," he heard the man say as he let sleep consume him in what would be his most peaceful slumber for the first time in years. He didn't know if he had said it out loud or if he was just dreaming but he could hear the phrase _Thank you_ ringing loudly in his head just before darkness completely consumed him.

* * *

_v._

Indigo eyes opened slowly, taking in its surroundings cautiously. He shifted a bit before realizing the body next to him and the arm loosely wrapped around his waist. Startled, he abruptly backed off from the other before sitting up, causing the other to wake up from the movement.

The other looked disoriented for a minute before he took the arm off his waist and backed away. "Calm down, it's just me," the man said as he sat up as well. "I took you out from that place, remember? It's me, Mattie," he continued on, his voice pleading the slightest bit.

"How… how do you know me?" he couldn't help but ask as his breath hitched before he completely broke. "Who are you? How did you find me there? What's my name? I-I can't believe I'm out of there," he couldn't help but say in the end as a sob escaped him before he was pulled against the other's body, his own body shaking the slightest bit.

"You're safe now," the man said. "I'm sorry it took so long, I'm so sorry," he continued on saying, clutching at the other desperately. He then cupped his face, making him look at the blond's sky blue eyes directly. "Your name is Matthew Williams and you've been missing for five years. I'm Alfred F. Jones and I'm your twin, Mattie. I finally found you," the man – _no, Alfred_ – said as he placed is forehead against Matthew, "I can't believe you're home, I missed you so much," he said as Matthew – _his name was Matthew_ – clutched at his savior, his twin and for the first time in a long while, he felt safe.

"Thank you for finding me, Alfred," Matthew couldn't help but utter as his whole being was filled with pure relief and hope, more than he had ever felt for the last five years of his life. He could only cling to the hope that things would be looking up now.

* * *

_**Notes:**_

*_Je me souviens - _is the official motto of Quebec, a province of Canada. The motto means "I remember". Stumbled across this quote and thought it fits so there.

*Drug used on Matthew to induce amnesia – I decided to use a modern variant of the _Damascus Rose _that Daniel drunk at the beginning of the game, _Amnesia: The Dark Descent_. Let's just say that somebody got hold of a rare dealer of this drug and decided to use it on poor Mattie.

**A/N: **Sorry for the crappy layout. I tried. OTL I hope you guys enjoyed and please do review for any feedback that you may have. Constructive criticism is always welcome. Til' next time!


	2. six à neuf

**A/N**:

So hi. Remember when I promised that I'd be posting new chapter every two weeks or so. Well, I'd stop making promises now but do now that I'll get this done. I swear. Hopefully you guys won't brick me to death and hate me to kingdom come just yet. Enjoy!

**Summary**:

Matthew couldn't help but feel that deep, nagging sense in him once more that it hadn't always been this way. But then again, he couldn't even remember anything from his past anymore. All he could remember was Alfred's warmth always being there for him and making him feel safe and loved and for now, that was already enough.

**Disclaimer**: Hetalia is not mine. Nor any of its characters.

**Warnings**: Yaoi, twincest, drug-induced amnesia, use of country names, story retelling not in sequential order, (_other warnings to be added later on_)

* * *

_**Je me souviens**_

_vi_.

"As we have known, Canada, Matthew Williams had suffered from a kidnapping that spanned for five years and will be out of commission indefinitely to recover and to acquire his memories back. As such, America, Alfred F. Jones had volunteered to be Matthew's caretaker to help him in his recovery and this had already been agreed by all, the Canadian and American government included," Germany started to say at their G8 meeting. "However," he continued on, sounding grim then, "It has come to our attention that you have completely abandoned your work, America, and while it is understandable, it had been three months since Canada had been saved. We know that the both of you are going through a hard time and we are all willing to help in whatever way that we could, be it protection or research or whatever else you might need but it would be appreciated by all of us if you'd start going back to work soon enough," he said, looking at America grimly.

America was silent for a moment before he abruptly stood up, slamming his fist on the table, asking, "What do you mean I have to get back to work soon enough?" his tone angry and the table rattling from the force. "Have you got any idea just how much Mattie had to go through? Just how badly the whole thing could've been to erase hundreds of years' worth of memories? And now you're asking me to 'start going back to work'? And then what do I do? Just drop him off in his own country and let his government deal with him? Is that what you want, Germany?" he continued to ask, his voice shaking from anger as he stared at the other people in the room angrily. "Is that what all of you people want?" he continued on, "That I leave my brother alone? That's the exact reason why the hell this thing happened to him in the first place!" he said, raising his voice, anger palpable as his fists shook.

In the background, England looked like he was about to say something only for France to grab onto his arm, slowly shaking his head. England looked as if he was about to argue before he complied with staying silent, looking helplessly at the exchange going on. The others were just looking at the scene impassively, letting Germany handle the situation for once and not a word being spoken by anybody else.

Germany didn't look surprised at America's outburst and instead continued on, "America, we are not saying that Canada – no, Matthew – should just be pushed to the side. Do not misunderstand. We sympathize and hope for his fast recovery and we are _willing _to help in whatever way we could to help him recover his memories and capture to culprit behind this, but all the same, you have to consider that you have gone missing in the international arena for quite a while and it is starting to affect international relations," he tried to reason. "We know you're going through a very hard time but you can't just leave your country like this especially when other nations are already being affected by your neglect," he continued on. "I'm sorry, Alfred, but you have to understand that your own people need you. We need you as well."

"I already have a temporary replacement, just like we did with Mattie. What else is your problem, Germany?" America asked, his tone part exasperated and part pleading. "Please, just give me time to be with him, to fix him," he then said, his tone lost, "I… I wasn't there when he needed me the most, let me be with him now when he recovers, please," he pleaded. "I don't care what happens anymore, I just wanna be with Mattie now. He needs me, he's needed me for the last five years and I haven't been there for him before but now that I can be with him, please give me time to fix him, just give me that," he continued on. "He needs me, Ludwig, please consider that," he added softly, his tone lost.

"America, please think this through," Germany started to say before he was interrupted by Italy.

"Ludwig, that's enough," Italy suddenly said his tone morose, something that was quite uncommon to hear from him. "I'm sure we can manage," he continued on.

"Feliciano, you have to understand how serious matters are right now," Germany started to argue some more. "We have been through hard times before but we had to continue on," he rebutted. "We still have to function despite everything," he said.

"But, ve~ How would you feel if I forgot you, Ludwig? Or if Gilbert forgot you?" Italy started to ask. "It would hurt a lot if somebody you're really, really close to suddenly forgot all the things you did together. Maybe America's just trying his best to make Canada remember," Italy had continued on.

"Feliciano…"Germany started to say before staring at Italy who then had this faraway look in his eyes before turning back to America, sighing, he said, "Fine. I guess we can work around with this but you will be required to work from home and to always be available to receive any and all queries from us if we have them, you have to be available for video calls and con calls and expected to still pass the necessary documents we might need from you," Ludwig said. "As long as you can do this then I guess we can leave you free reign on however long you want to tend to Canada," he continued on. "And we can arrange that the next few world meetings be hosted in your place if that would be more convenient for you," he added.

"Thank you, thank you so much," America said, looking every part relieved then. "I'm sorry for neglecting work but I couldn't focus with Mattie being as he is right now," he said as he frowned a bit before continuing on, "I'll definitely do my best to turn in work now. I'm sorry for dragging you guys down with me. I'll ask my boss and my temporary replacement for help. Thank you so much," he said determinedly before he took a look at his watch saying, "I have to go. I gotta go back to see how Mattie's doing now, thank you for understanding," he said before exiting the room and jogging out of the building.

"Kolkolkol, this is the first time I've seen that look on America's eyes since the Cold War," Russia commented offhandedly to nobody, not knowing that England had heard him then and was already looking at him curiously, before the other turned his gaze to the door where America had just exited from.

"_Allons-y, rosbif_," France then told England as the others started to exit the room as well. "The meeting's finished now," he said as England remained on his seat.

"But…" England started to say as his gaze continued following on Russia's form that had just exited the room.

"Is something the matter, _mon cher_?" France asked, looking at the other worriedly as he followed England's gaze on Russia. "Did Russia do something, _cher_?" he probed on.

"No, nothing," England said as he stood up. "Come on, frog, it's nothing," he continued on as France continued to look at him unconvinced. "I'm just worried about Alfred and Matthew," he said to placate the other.

"Ohh, I'm sure we can still meet them later before they fly back home," France said, humming thoughtfully. "Let's go have our lunch now, _oui_? After all, I know you won't refuse," he said, motioning the other to follow him and dismissing England's odd behavior.

"Sod off! I don't want to have lunch with you, wanker!" England said in outrage, following France, although faltering in his steps just for a bit as he thought of what the Russian had said. He couldn't help but feel uneasy, somehow, the warnings he had been getting from the _fae_ regarding America starting to make much more sense now. And he didn't like it at all.

* * *

_vii_.

A few minutes after the meeting had been dismissed, America – _ no, he was just plain old Al now – _he chided himself, had already entered the hotel room they had checked in as quietly as he could, seeing how Matthew was curled up on the bed, a book clutched on his hand, fast asleep, his breathing slow and deep. A certain look passed over his face as he observed how vulnerable Matthew looked then.

Slowly, he walked towards the bed, sitting at the edge, gingerly taking Matthew's glasses off his face and leaving them on the bed side table and taking the book the other was clutching and turning it to look at the cover. He hummed thoughtfully as he saw that it was a book of fairy tales, wondering how the other got a hold of it in the first place, before putting it aside as well. He then took off his clothes and changed to more comfortable ones before lying down next to Matthew and pulling the other flushed against him.

Matthew moaned at the sudden movement as his eyes slowly fluttered open. "Al?" he asked slightly pulling away to peak at the other's face.

"Sorry for waking you up, Mattie," Alfred murmured, brushing his lips against Matthew's forehead and pulling the other closer to him, reveling on the way the other was tangled to him.

Matthew welcomed the warmth, closing his eyes once more as he snuggled into Alfred's chest and clutched at the material of the other's shirt. "Did things go okay? Did your boss fire you for running off?" he asked before stifling a yawn as sleepiness started to overcome him once more.

"Nahh, everything went fine in the end, I just have to turn in work every now and then to throw them off my back. No need to worry," Alfred said, relief evident in his voice. "Hey, who did you got the book from, by the way?" he asked suddenly.

"That's nice," Matthew hummed before continuing, "Oh, somebody named Gilbert gave it to me. He was here a while ago complaining about how he was ditched by his younger brother who was in the meeting you were in," Matthew said, his speech slowing as he started to grow sleepier. "He said we were friends and I lent the book to him before. He figured I might like it back now. Was that okay?" he continued on, worry suddenly evident in his voice, as he opened his eyes once more and took a peak at the other. "He told me that you knew each other too," he added as if afraid that the other would get mad.

"Yeah, it's fine, Mattie. Gilbert's cool. Just tell me next time when other people start talking to you, yeah?" Alfred said, as he tucked Matthew's head under his chin once more. "I don't want anybody taking you from me again," he added softly, hearing Matthew hitch his breath.

"Okay. I'm sorry, I won't worry you next time," Matthew said, readily agreeing. "I'll tell you right away if somebody starts talking to me again," he promised. "I love you," he added on, feeling guilty and somehow wanting to tell the other how grateful he was for the other worrying on him too, as he nuzzled onto Alfred's neck, his breathing starting to slow down once more.

"I love you too, Mattie," Alfred said, kissing the top of Matthew's head, a hum of satisfaction escaping him when Matthew snuggled to him closer as he started to play with the latter's hair. He knew that Matthew probably thought nothing of it but he couldn't help but want to be more careful on whom to let the latter talk to now. Besides, Matthew knew nothing of what they actually were just yet.

* * *

_viii_.

Matthew continued to scream as his eyes opened wide, sitting upright before he felt arms wound up around him as he was pulled against the warmth, his screams dying as he started to sob violently, his whole body shaking, clearly still the remembering the nightmare he had and how it was bringing back the horrible things that he had to suffer all throughout the past few years. He couldn't stop himself from clinging onto Alfred, his warmth making him feel safer and protected in this moment compared to the cold and dark that he had had to suffer through before.

"Shhh, shhh, it's okay," Alfred cooed, trying to soothe his distressed twin. "I'm here, Mattie. No one's gonna hurt you now, everything's fine," he continued on, stroking Matthew's back as he felt the other start to clutch on his shirt and hide his head on the crook of his shoulder.

"I'm scared, please don't make me go back there," Matthew whispered frantically before another sob escaped him as he leaned further against Alfred's body. "I don't want to go back there," he continued on as his nightmare continued to play in his mind, as he continued to remember screaming into the nothingness, unable to move as he pleaded to be freed, only to have no one listening to him.

"Mattie, focus on me," Alfred said pulling back a bit and cupping Matthew's face with both hands, wiping the tears escaping from the other's eyes. "I won't let anybody take you away from now on. Nobody's going to hurt you now, understand?" he continued on, indigo eyes looking at him doubtfully and with desperation but receiving a nod nonetheless. "I'm here to protect you now, Mattie," he added as he placed his forehead against Matthew's.

"Promise?" Matthew couldn't help but ask despite being as childish as it sounded. He knew that Alfred would try his best to protect him but he needed the reassurance all the same.

"I promise," Alfred said, nodding and smiling slightly before he leaned in the slightest bit, his arms wounding around the Matthew's waist. "Everything will be fine now, I swear," he continued on before brushing his lips lightly against Matthew's own before pulling back just as quickly. He then looked at the other carefully, seeing the shock and hesitation from Matthew's eyes.

Matthew was taken aback by what just happened, a new set of emotions filling him in. All that he knew was that his instincts were warning him that this was wrong. Somehow though, the tingling that he was feeling now in his lips was not unfamiliar and he couldn't help but wonder, _had this happened before_? "I…" he started to say, his mind quite blank but needing to speak out nonetheless before he was interrupted by Alfred.

"I know this is wrong, Mattie. But I love you so much and I'd rather than die than see you taken away from me again, see you suffering like this," Alfred said, his tone pleading. "I'm scared that if I don't tell you this now, I won't have another chance to do so and I'd rather kill myself than have that happen again, so please," he continued on. "It's just me, Mattie. I'd always be here," Alfred said, cupping Matthew's face with both hands. "I'd never hurt you," he continued on before pulling Matthew into another kiss, starting chastely.

Matthew's eyes widened at this before he felt the thumb stroking his cheek, another then moving to the back of his head, stroking this hair. Slowly, he closed his eyes as he started to focus on Alfred's warmth. Even if somehow, at the back of his mind, he knew that it wasn't supposed to be like this, it was never supposed to be like this.

And when Alfred pulled back, whispering _I love you so much, Mattie_ to him with that look in his eyes, he could stop himself from saying _I love you too _even if he knew that he didn't mean it then. Even if he knew that his aversion was more than just thinking of it as incest, as if his mind was doing all that it could to warn him about Alfred, that there was something about the other that was not just right. But Alfred was his brother, his twin, Alfred had _saved_ him. He wouldn't do anything to harm him, right?

* * *

_ix_.

Matthew screamed as he clutched his head, sobs escaping him as pain continued to pound his head, as if a drill was digging into it. He didn't know what to do to make it stop. He had never experienced pain like this ever and all he wanted was for it to stop.

The pain had started to recur more often now and he couldn't even function anymore. Another sob escaped him as a stronger wave of pain shot through his head. "Please make it stop," he pleaded, opening his eyes before he crawled off the bed to go to the bathroom. Another sob escaped him as he curled into a tight ball in the middle of the floor, hands tight against his hair, "Make it stop!" he screamed out, crying loudly before there was a sudden lull in the onslaught of pain that he had been feeling for the past two days as if somebody had finally pitied him and listened to his pleas.

A cry of relief escaped him as he started to crawl faster to the bathroom, using it as a chance to boost his movements. He opened the door, clutching at the doorknob tightly before he shakily stood up, his knees almost giving way right away if not for his tight hold on the doorknob.

He then all but threw himself at the sink, as he leaned onto it, wrenching the medicine cabinet on top of it open. He found the bottle of pain killers he had been looking for, snatching at it before opening the lid with the little strength that he had left, a tiny laugh of relief leaving him as he saw the bottle still full. Just as he poured a handful of pills into his palm though, not even caring if it was far, far too many to be taken safely, the bottle was knocked out of his hand as he felt arms wrapped around him to steady him as a hand wrapped itself around his wrist, clutching onto the pills desperately before his palm was forced open.

"NO!" he cried it. "Please I just want the pain to stop. I just want it to stop," he continued on as sobs started to shake his body badly. "I can't take it anymore," he continued on as he felt the two of them slid to the floor.

"Shhh, shhhh, it's okay, I got ya," Alfred said as he shifted Matthew so that the other was sitting on top of him, Matthew's head hiding on his shoulder. "It's okay, baby. I can stop the pain now," he continued on as he slightly pulled away from the other guiding Matthew to look at him, before he placed a small vial on Matthew's lips. "Drink it up, Mattie," he whispered his tone tender as a hand stroked the back of Matthew's head, encouraging the other.

Matthew, already desperate for any refuge from the pain, drank the full content of the vial, a whimper escaping him as he finished before his head sought comfort on Alfred's shoulder once more, feeling the arms around him tighten just the slightest bit. He could already feel himself drifting off, the pain being lifted from his head and for the first time he could think again but all that he could register now were Alfred's words of comforts, "It's okay, Mattie. Everything's going to be okay now. Nothing's gonna hurt you now," and hearing those words and feeling Alfred's warmth once more, he couldn't help but feel safer and at ease as darkness started to fill his vision once more.

Just before he completely blacked out though, he had the strangest notion at the deepest recesses of his mind that this feeling had happened to him before, that the presence of this fog in his brain and this darkness claiming had never been new to him and that it had happened to him for what felt like millions of times before. And then the darkness came.

* * *

**Notes:**

To_ IAmACat _– I guess this answers your question on whether they're simply humans or nations. Apologies for making it vague OTL as for your other question, I'll leave you to find that out for yourself *winks*

*_Allons-y, rosbif - _come along, roast beef

*On Gilbert finding Matthew, the nations were staying on one hotel and it just so happened that Gilbert was walking around the place when he saw Matthew at the balcony and Gilbert being Gilbert immediately introduced himself to Matthew, talking about all kinds of stuff before getting Matthew's book that Gilbert had started to carry around as a memento and giving it back to the other.

**A/N**:

So there, I hope you guys enjoy! And the only reason why I took so long in this one was because I was trying to add another part but then I could never decide which part to add so I gave up and decided to just edit everything else that I have written. I hope you guys enjoyed and for any questions or (constructive pls /brick'd) criticisms you have, please don't hesitate! Thanks and until next time!


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